Saturday, February 23, 2013

New Beginnings

Hope Springs eternal.
Life Begins anew.
Why can't I be happy AND chubby?
I CAN and know what I gotta do!

As I type this, I sit on a new chair, in a new living room, in a new city, in a new state.

I got tired of my old life and decided I deserved a better one. 
I found a new job as a technical designer at a new company, sold all of my earthly belongings with the optimistically grandiose intention of "starting fresh in a new life" (without realizing that replacing things you sort of love is a task easier said than done. DAMNYOUNAIVELYOPTIMISTICOUTLOOK.), packed up the kids and moved all the way across the country. 
So here I am, all shiny and new!
Some things haven't changed however. 

- I am still fat.
- I still live by my life's rule of only buying things that I love.
- I still have a super messy car (I've accepted the fact that this perhaps will never change and just moved the wrappers and clothes and papers and mail and beauty products and CD's and toys and work paraphernalia out of the way whenever a bold would-be passenger dares to accept a ride.)
- I am still unhappy.

The major source of my unhappiness is my appearance. To be perfectly honest, I dress pretty terribly for someone who works in the fashion industry. Embarrassingly terrible in fact. In my defense though, this whole BUY ONLY WHAT YOU LOVE philosophy is incredibly restrictive when you despise 99% of clothing that fits you! What am I supposed to do?!? Lose weight! yeahyeahyeah. Since starting a job at a more fashion forward company, I am more frustrated with plus size fashion now than I ever was. Apparently I gotta get all Gandhi on this if I want to be happy! This is daunting since a. I'm lazy and b. I'm lazy, but I'm going to do it! I have to at least try!
I am going to be the change I want to see. Thankfully life experiences and location have made me significantly more capable of doing that now. YAY!

Now, if only I could get up off this comfy chair...

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